Hannah

Today is the two-year anniversary of my sister Hannah’s passing. It is hard to believe it has been two years since I have seen her. I still miss her so much. I remember it like it was yesterday when we got the call. It is a scary thing to be woken up with a call saying someone you care about was taken to the hospital. I remember telling Ben that I would go and for him to stay and go to work. I had no idea at the time how bad it was. I will forever be grateful that he did not listen to me. Rachel called me while we were on the freeway to tell me that Hannah had passed away. I did not believe her. Hannah was only 30 years old. She was too young to die!! I yelled at Rachel told her that it was not funny. I could not stop crying. I don’t know what would of happened if I had been driving alone. Walking into the hospital room and seeing Hannah lying there was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I remember her being so cold and thinking that I was not going to see her again in this life. I started thinking of all the things that I should of said but didn’t and all the things that I said out of anger and could not take back. I was so numb. I kept thinking that this was a bad dream and I was going to wake up and have her here with me. It was so hard going to my parent’s house after the hospital and seeing where she died. I am so thankful that I had Ben there to help me through that time. He took a lot of abuse from me during all of this. I would get so angry that I would just yell and scream at him for nothing. It took me a long time to start to deal with it.

When I turned 18 Hannah and I started being friends. Before I was always the little sister but now I was a friend. We loved to watch the corny/bad lifetime/family channel movies. Hannah could quote lines from the movies. Whenever I see one I think of her and the time we spent together. Hannah was the only person that I would sing in front of. We would put on a CD and turn it all the way up and sing along with it. Once Hannah and I were driving to the LA Fair in Pomona and we were sing along with a CD and we missed our exit and ended up at the Ontario Airport. We turned around but we missed the exit again due to the singing. After missing it again for the second time we decide to turn off the music and look more carefully. That day with her is a time that I will cherish forever.

Hannah was a great big sister always looking out for me. I always knew that she would be there for me no matter what. When we were little and I would get into trouble Hannah would take me and hide me or she would say that she did it because she did not want her sister to get in trouble. My mom liked to say that when I was a baby Hannah was the only one who could calm me down. I remember when I was probably 5 or 6 and I had my first crush. Hannah was so proud of me because my crush was Sebastian Bach from Skid Row. She told all of her friends about it. Hannah and I shared a love for 80’s metal bands.

Hannah would frequently copy me on whatever I was eating. Even after Ben and I were married she would call me up and ask me what I was having for dinner and then would make it for herself. Hannah loved to eat ice. She knew what stores had the best ice. She would get the biggest glass in the house then pour a can of soda in then pour the soda out. She just wanted to get the flavor on the ice. Hannah LOVED sushi. Her friend Jackie and her would go all over LA getting sushi at one restaurant then going to anther place for another roll.

Hannah was the one who set up Ben and my first date. It was really funny! Ben had called me on New Years Day since we had met and hit it off the night before. We were talking for a while and then he asked me what freeways would he have to take to get to Temple City. I had no idea so I went and asked Hannah how Ben would get here. Hannah took the phone and gave him very detailed directions. After providing him with the directions she asked him what time he would be here. Ben hesitated since he was not planning on coming out to see me that day. He had just gotten off work and only had a few hours sleep. But Hannah was persistent…apparently not just persistent but effective because he ended up coming out that night. It ended up being the worst date of our lives, but in the end everything turned out great. Hannah liked Ben from the start and I wonder where we would be if Hannah had not become involved. Would Ben and I have ever had a first date without Hannah? I don’t know, but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Last year I was able to do Hannah’s temple work. That was such a special thing and I am so grateful that I was able to do it. Wendy came down to go to the temple with Ben and me. We went on a Tuesday so that Ben’s parents could be there with me. My family was not able to go. By this time my Mothers disease had progressed to the point that she was unable to travel to the temple to be there. It was difficult for her and for me because we both knew she would rather be at the Temple more than anywhere else on this most precious and important night. It meant a great deal to me that Wendy would drive down for me on that night. It helped having the support during that special but heart wrenching night. It was an extremely emotional night for me. Since losing Hannah I had never felt as close to her as I did that night.

I miss my sister. I don’t think I will ever stop missing her but I know she is in a better place. I loved her and will continue to love her. In remembrance and honor of her we are going to name our first daughter Hannah Syel Williams.